Liquid Motivation - The fuel that transforms morning zombies into functional humans

Getting smiles, one sip at a time.

Surgeon talking to anesthesiologist at 6 AM:

Surgeon: "You look exhausted. Rough night?"

Anesthesiologist: "Nah, just been reviewing my coffee-to-consciousness ratio. The numbers aren't great."

Surgeon: "What's your formula?"

Anesthesiologist: "Three espressos to feel alive. Five to actually care about your appendix. Eight and I'm doing your surgery whether you scheduled it or not."

Neurologist at the coffee machine:

"You know what the difference is between coffee and my patients? Coffee wakes up."

Colleague laughs, then adds: "And it's less likely to be on wrong meds."

Patient to doc: "I noticed something weird. My CIDP flares on days I don't drink coffee."

Doc (writing notes): "That's interesting. Let's increase your—"

Patient: "—to five cups? Already on it, doc. It's basically IV now."

Doc (nodding): "Good self-management."

Neurologist walks into infusion center at 7 AM:

Nurse: "Coffee?"

Neuro: "Is it strong enough to make neuropathy patients stop calling with questions?"

Nurse: "It's coffee, not a neurological miracle."

Neuro: "Then I'll need two."

Real stuff nurses and doctors have actually written on charts:

1. "Patient has two teenage sons but no other abnormalities."
(Translation: That IS an abnormality.)

2. "Patient is mildly agitated but good in bed."
(The team just stared at this one.)

3. "The patient was in usual good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."
(Well, that would ruin anyone's day.)

4. "She is numbed from her toes down."
(That's one way to describe CIDP.)

5. "Patient has done well without oxygen for the past year."
(If he's still talking, he's probably fine.)

6. "Cough with flame."
(Either we're dealing with dragons or someone can't spell.)

7. "Patient slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December."
(Sounds like she needed a neurologist AND a chiropractor.)

Neurologist: Black. Wired. Keeps my synapses firing faster than my patients' misfiring nerves.

CIDP Specialist: Cold brew, IV bag on the side. If my patients can handle three infusions a month, I can handle three cold brews before 9 AM.

ER Doc: Whatever has a pulse. Preferably stronger than what my last patient had.

Psychiatrist: Decaf. We need to talk about why you need the caffeine.

Radiologist: Cloudy. I can't quite make out what's in it, but I'm pretty sure there's something concerning.

Pathologist: I'll look at it under a microscope later.

Pediatrician: Cartoon marshmallows, sprinkles, a unicorn. If the kids are having fun, so am I.

Infectious Disease Doc: Hand sanitizer on the side. Just in case.

Conversation in the break room:

Nurse 1: "Patient came in saying his foot hurt."

Nurse 2: "And?"

Nurse 1: "He had a CIDP diagnosis. We've been treating him for two years."

Nurse 2: "...So?"

Nurse 1: "His shoe was on backwards."

Long pause. Both sip coffee silently.

Doctor walks into ER at midnight:

Nurse: "Bad night?"

Doctor: "Patient asked me if coffee causes CIDP."

Nurse: "What did you say?"

Doctor: "That if it did, the CIDP community would've solved this years ago."

Patient Facebook group post:

"Has anyone else noticed their CIDP gets worse if they DON'T drink coffee? Asking for a friend who's basically replaced blood with espresso shots."

Doctor commenting: "That's called withdrawal. Also good hydration management."

Patient replying: "Doctor, I'm hydrated. With coffee."

Another patient: "I've tried explaining this to my neurologist. He just sighs and writes something in my chart that probably says 'patient has caffeine dependency.'"

Third patient: "Mine does too. Pretty sure he's documenting 'self-medicating with excellent taste.'"

A patient came in with 50+ nicotine patches stuck all over his body.

Patient: "The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours."

Doctor (slowly removing patches): "Did she say... to remove the old one first?"

Patient: "Oh. That would have been helpful information."

Doctor: "How did you manage to get your arm stuck in a coffee maker?"

Patient: "I was reaching for the last cup and..."

Doctor: (writing in chart) "Patient demonstrates poor judgment and caffeine desperation."

Why did the neurologist bring a ladder to the coffee machine?

Because he needed to reach a higher level of consciousness.

"My nerves are getting on my nerves."

"I turn slower than a rotisserie chicken when my legs are bad."

"Coffee doesn't cure CIDP, but it makes waiting for the infusion center to call slightly more bearable."

"My favorite neurologist joke? Me, living with CIDP."

Patient: "Will coffee help my CIDP?"

Honest Doctor: "No. But it'll make you feel like you're doing something about it while we wait three months for your next appointment."

Patient: "So... I should drink more coffee?"

Doc: "I'm not not saying that."

Caregiver to spouse with CIDP: "You've had four cups of coffee today."

Patient: "And I still can't feel my feet. At least I'm awake and frustrated about it."

Coffee won't cure rare neurological diseases. It won't stop CIDP from flaring or make appointments happen faster or fix the healthcare gaps that haunt us.

But it'll get you through.

And sometimes—when your legs won't cooperate and your doctor's three months out and your coffee's the only thing working—that's enough.

Laugh. Sip. Keep going.

Got a funny medical story? Coffee confession? Neurologist joke that actually landed?

Email: [email protected]

We'll feature the best ones (anonymously, unless you want the glory).

Keep brewing hope—and humor.

Check out Texas NeuroRare for the science and for your dose of AI. We're just here to explain why you're a walking contradiction—emphasis on "walking" being optimistic.

Comedy. Catharsis. Not medical advice. Educational only—talk to your clinician.