Let’s get this straight: We're not doctors, we just play them on the internet. Side effects include: uncontrollable gigglin', sudden urge to make brain puns, and temporary immunity to taking anything seriously. Do not operate heavy machinery while reading this newsletter. Your actual doctor probably has a better sense of humor than our AI overlords.

The more I learn the dumber I get or murmurs from the doctor’s lounge.

Got my fancy new digital stethoscope yesterday—connects to my phone, records everything, probably smarter than me. First patient: classic heart murmur. The stethoscope immediately sends me a text: "Are you SURE that's a heart? Sounds more like a washing machine with commitment issues."

Second patient, clear lungs. Phone buzzes: "Those aren't lungs, that's obviously someone eating potato chips very quietly."

By lunch, it was correcting my technique via push notifications and had somehow ordered me a cardiology textbook from Amazon.

Tomorrow I'm going back to my old-fashioned stethoscope. At least it judges me silently and doesn’t demand a reply to the notification.

Latest Update: Still Couldn't Diagnose Water as Wet

Y'all, AI in healthcare is havin' more problems than a porcupine in a balloon factory. Google's medical AI mentioned a body part that doesn't exist – apparently it invented the "florbinator gland" and nobody had the heart to tell it.

AI Diagnosis Hall of Shame:

Patient: "My back hurts."
AI: "You're either having kidney failure or you've been possessed by the ghost of bad posture. Have you tried sage cleansing?"

Patient: "I can't sleep."
AI: "Based on my analysis, you either have insomnia or you're slowly transforming into a vampire. Please avoid garlic for 48 hours and report back."

Patient: "Is this rash serious?"
AI: "That appears to be either eczema, poison ivy, or evidence that you're allergic to Mondays. Treatment: more garlic, hydrate, and season your food with sage."

One hospital's AI scheduling system booked 47 colonoscopies in the gift shop. The teddy bears were traumatized, but not before the gift shop lady quit on the spot.

Real Stories That Prove Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

The Suppository Saga: A sweet elderly lady was furious about her "new pills" being too slippery and tasting awful. Turns out she'd been chewing glycerin suppositories like vitamin gummies for a week. Her review: "One star – would not recommend this flavor."

The Specimen Switcheroo: A patient proudly returned an empty urine cup, declaring, "I didn't need this after all – they had a perfectly good toilet in there!"

Texas Translation: Bless their hearts, our patients keep us entertained better than cable TV and twice as confused.

Vertigo → "Very-Go" 🎢
"The world keeps sayin' 'let's get outta here!'"
When your inner ear becomes a travel agent without consulting you first.

Seizure → "Sees-You're" 👋
"My body keeps wavin' hello to folks!"
The most enthusiastic greeting your nervous system never asked for.

Leukemia → "Look-E-Me-A" 🔍
"My blood cells keep askin' for directions!"
When your white blood cells get as lost as tourists in downtown Dallas.

Tendonitis → "Ten-Donut-Itis" 🍩
"My tendons done wrecked my dessert plans!"
Because apparently your joints have opinions about your diet.

Whether it's watching neurons get reverse-aged like a Hollywood star, seeing AI fail medical school harder than a student who thinks anatomy is a type of pasta, or hearing patients mistake suppositories for breath mints, the world of neurology keeps delivering entertainment faster than a greased pig at a county fair.

Remember, fellow synapse wranglers: we're all just trying to keep our brain cells from wandering off like cattle while artificial intelligence learns the difference between a heart murmur and a refrigerator humming. Sometimes the best medicine is laughing till your neurons hurt.

Keep your dendrites dancin' and your humor prescription filled, y'all!

Kit Whimsley and The Rarely Serious Team

💊 Remember: Laughter cures everything except your insurance deductible

THIS IS NOT REAL DO NOT ATTEMPT AT HOME (but do try it at the hospital)

"Join the Texas rare disease community at Texas NeuroRare—where we balance humor with hope texasneurorare.org